Juggling Jetstreams: How Pilots Navigate Work & Family Rosters

Despite my mother’s initial resistance, I remained steadfast in my pursuit of a career navigating the skies. Her apprehension was not unfounded, as the life of a pilot is far removed from the conventional 9-to-5 routine that our society is built around.

Starting out, the challenges seemed manageable. However, as I aged and started a family, the struggle to juggle work and family life became more pronounced. As a bush pilot in the tropics, the demanding schedule, which began before sunrise and ended after sunset, coupled with the modest pay, made it difficult to maintain a conventional family life. The long days and financial constraints posed significant challenges to balancing work and family commitments.

Later, my career took a turn towards humanitarian missions in conflict zones. Despite the sense of fulfilment this brought, the substantial but inconsistent pay, unpredictable work pattern, and inherent risks further complicated family life. Both roles, while rewarding, posed significant challenges to family stability.

"The life of a pilot is often idealized, depicted with grand narratives of freedom. But the reality is far from this glamorous image."

As I progressed in my career, I landed a job as a pilot on a medium-range jet. This was a moment I had always aspired to, a landmark that I believed would mark the zenith of my success. However, the reality of this achievement was far from what I had imagined. It introduced a new set of obstacles that I hadn’t foreseen.

The taxing schedule of a pilot starts as early as 3 am and ends at 3 pm, or the other way around. This leaves little room for family and social life. The schedule of an airline pilot is nearly round-the-clock, year-round, which means many weekends, holidays, early morning starts, and late-night finishes.

In the short term, this schedule might seem sustainable. However, the relentless pace of this lifestyle eventually takes a toll, leading to fatigue and stress. The rhythm of family life becomes disrupted, causing a sense of disconnection and tension in relationships. Over time, the absence of equilibrium between work and personal life can lead to burnout, impacting health, happiness, and professional performance.

When both partners in a family are pilots, these challenges are magnified. The demands of our careers often clash with our personal lives, making it even more difficult to maintain a stable family life. The long-term effects of such a lifestyle can be detrimental, leading to strained relationships, a lack of social life, and potential health issues.

In today’s world, the cost of living often necessitates dual incomes. However, when both these incomes are from demanding professions like aviation, the challenges multiply.

Over the course of our two-decade journey in the aviation industry, my husband and I have been fortunate to forge strong bonds with many of our colleagues. Many of these friendships have been with other pilot couples who, like us, have had to navigate the unique challenges that come with this profession.

However, it’s worth noting that of all the pilot couples we know, only two are still married to each other and continue to work in the industry. What sets these two couples apart? They have a village to raise their children. They live very close to both sets of grandparents, have numerous aunts and uncles, and as a bonus, they live next door to each other, which also allows these two families to share the duties of raising their children. This close-knit community provides a strong support system that helps them manage the demands of their profession and family life.

Not all families have the luxury of such a robust support system. Many of our friends in the industry have had to navigate the turbulent waters of divorce and remarriage, often choosing partners outside of aviation for their second journey down the aisle.

"The choice was to let one partner leave a flying job, and more often than not, it was the wife who made this sacrifice."

For others, the choice was to let one partner leave a flying job, and more often than not, it was the wife who made this sacrifice. A handful, like myself, have managed to stay within the industry despite no longer flying. I now work with various companies in their training departments and also offer my expertise in safety and quality assurance.

Unfortunately, many women have felt compelled to leave the industry altogether. The job’s demands, along with the task of managing a family, became overwhelming. Yet, a handful persist in their flying careers, backed by spouses in different sectors who provide the needed home stability.

Then there are those who found the challenge of balancing both a career in aviation and a family too daunting. They had to make a choice, and more often than not, it was the family that was sacrificed. However, conversations with these women reveal that for most, forgoing a family wasn’t a deliberate decision. Instead, it was a choice made by circumstance.

I understand the demands of flying and the workings of the industry. Yet, I often feel like a single parent, leading to moments where I’m sure other parents think my husband, the father of our daughter, is a figment of my imagination.

Despite my frustrations, I try not to vent them on my husband. His erratic schedule often results in him missing out on important personal events. Even if off days are predictable long in advance, there’s no guarantee they’ll coincide with the days we need. We’re left hoping the company approves leave for these days.

"This year, my husband didn’t get any leave approved during her school holiday."

I looked up how many days of leave my daughter gets in a year. Google informed me she has to attend school for 182 days. This year, my husband didn’t get any leave approved during her school holiday. In the last five years, we’ve only managed one summer holiday due to leave constraints.

He often misses our daughter’s daily activities like soccer matches, dance practices, school plays, swimming lessons, and horse riding. He can’t often help with homework or school projects, nor with household chores or cooking dinner.

My life is dictated by the calendar on my phone. The first step is filling in the off days, with most months only having one weekend off. Then, the calendar is populated with our child’s after-school activities, play dates, birthday parties, and other social events. As any parent with a school-going child knows, the school assumes your life revolves around your child’s day. I often receive random messages like: “Tomorrow is the fundraising bake sale, and I need to make 50 cupcakes,” or “It’s homemade dress-up day and I need to create a costume so great that Heidi Klum would wear it to Halloween,” all while a science project needs to be built.

Once all these are filled in, I can finally allocate the remaining time for my job. It’s a big juggling act. If I have to visit ATOs or airlines out of the country, I can only do this on my husband’s off days. On working days, he either leaves too early in the morning to get our daughter to school (no childcare provider opens at 3 am) or he gets back after midnight (no one is willing to take care of your child that late).

I generally have to work a few hours very early in the morning before the house wakes up or late at night after they’ve gone to bed. This compensates for the extra time it takes for me to do a two-parent job as one person.

However, my marriage works because I appreciate the sacrifices my husband makes. I understand he doesn’t miss things on purpose, and I understand how CRM works, so I try not to put extra pressure on him when he’s exhausted.

In return, he supports me in every way. His long days and sacrifices allow me to work freelance, which means I get to do a job I love while being there for every step of our daughter’s childhood.

This doesn’t mean it’s always a walk in the park. This is symbolized by a thoughtful gift – an acknowledgment from my husband and daughter. They gave me a “Free Dobby” mug with a pair of socks in it, signifying that I am a free elf, and nothing is expected so everything I do is appreciated.

The aviation industry operates on a different rhythm, one that often conflicts with the traditional tempo of family life. This can lead to a disconnect between professional and personal life, making it challenging to maintain a balance.

"The aviation industry operates on a different rhythm, one that often conflicts with the traditional tempo of family life."

My younger self, driven by ambition and the allure of the skies, would undoubtedly do it all again. However, as a wife and mother, I now view these challenges from a different perspective. I hope for changes in the industry that will allow my daughter and her generation to not have to choose between a career and family. The industry needs to evolve to make the lifestyle more compatible with family life.

This is a call to action for the industry to adapt and evolve, to ensure that the next generation of pilots does not have to make the difficult choice between a fulfilling career and a balanced family life. It’s time for a change, for a future where pilots can soar in the skies without having to sacrifice their family life on the ground. It’s time for the industry to take off towards a more sustainable and family-friendly future. The journey may be challenging, but the destination is worth striving for. Let’s hope for a future where the sky is not the limit but the beginning of a balanced life.