The Power of Politeness - Ask not tell!

The other day, I was taken aback when I received an email from an airline’s HR department. They were seeking a reference for a pilot who had previously worked with us. The tone of the email was rather harsh, with sentences written in capital letters and some even highlighted in yellow. It was as if they were commanding me, with instructions on how to fill out the reference stating that I “MUST” and “WILL”.

My initial reaction was to respond with a firm “I shan’t and won’t”. However, I didn’t want to be the reason someone missed out on a job opportunity, so I let it slide. This incident, though, made me reflect on how employers treat their employees.

I often have conversations with my daughter that go something like this: I ask her if she could do me a favour, such as putting away her shoes or picking up her clothes from the floor. Sometimes, her response is a polite “no, thank you”. This leads me to explain that it’s not really a negotiation; I’m instructing her to do something, but in a polite manner.

A troubling notion has emerged over time. Companies, it seems, have begun to believe that they own their employees simply because they pay their salaries. This mindset reduces employees to mere numbers, stripping them of their individuality and dismissing the need for politeness.

Take, for example, my experience with a fairly large airline. Over time, you get to know everyone, despite the size of the operations team. Among them, two individuals stood out - let’s call them John and Peter.

When John called you for a standby flight, his approach was personal and respectful. His calls would typically go like this: “Hello Captain Pilot, how are you?” “Would you mind doing a flight for us from A to B?” and “The sign-on will be in X number of hours”.

Peter, on the other hand, was more direct and impersonal. His calls were more like orders: “Pilot, you need to be at the airport in 1 hour for a flight to A”.

This difference in communication styles had a noticeable impact. If John was on duty and asked you to work on a day off, you’d be inclined to help him out if you could. However, when Peter made similar requests, people were less willing to go the extra mile.

Peter’s approach, impersonal and demanding, could breed resentment over time. In contrast, John’s method, which acknowledged the pilot’s humanity and treated them with respect, fostered a more positive working relationship.

This small change in communication can make a significant difference in the workplace environment. After all, as the saying goes, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”